


A Point of Balance

by MinnieTheMoocherDA



Series: Kalluzeb drabbles [12]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Fulcrum, Gen, M/M, More tags to be added, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, kalluzeb - Freeform, kanera - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-05 03:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15161315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinnieTheMoocherDA/pseuds/MinnieTheMoocherDA
Summary: When Cassian first met Alexsandr Kallus he never would have guessed that the ex-ISB Agent would become one of his greatest friends.





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I’ve been working on this for a while now! I’ve always imagined that Cassian and Kallus would become friends party due to them both being fulcrum agents but I couldn’t find any fics about that so I decided to write one myself. There will be more pairings and tags to be added. I hope you guys enjoy! Xxxxxxxxx

Cassian thought back to when he'd first met Alexsandr Kallus.

 

He, along with the other members of rebel intelligence, had been introduced to him not long after the battle of Atollon.

 

"This Captain Alexsandr Kallus." Draven told them, his tone drawling over the 'captain'. It was clear that he didn't like the man but then again Cassian had yet to meet anyone who Draven actually liked.

 

He turned his attention back to the man at the General's side. He was tall with broad shoulders, blonde hair and distinct mutton chops. He kept trying to smooth stands of his hair back, possibly a nervous tick, but whatever product he'd been using had clearly run out as they just kept slipping forward. Thanks to the impressive bruise around his left eye, split lip and noticeable limp it was obvious that he'd been in a fight recently. One that he had probably lost.

 

His clothes weren't new. Everything in the rebellion was second or third or even forth hand. But it was like they were new to him somehow. It was almost as though he was wearing a fancy dress costume, like one of those clowns Cassian used to dream of watching when he was younger.

 

After the introduction Draven walked past Cassian as they all went back to work.

 

"Keep an eye on him." He whispered. Cassian gave a subtle nod.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Through the rebellion gossip it wasn't hard for Cassian to find out that Kallus used to be part of the Imperial Security Bureau. That certainly explained why Drevan trusted him even less than most people. Defectors weren't exactly uncommon amongst the rebellion but this was the first time Cassian had ever heard of one of them being from the ISB.

 

He watched him during mission briefings to always find him deeply focused, drinking up every detail to store away in the back of his mind. However sometimes Cassian would glimpse a haunted flash cross Kallus' eyes before he would shake the expression from his face and bury himself even deeper into his work.

 

Around the base Kallus wore a carefully crafted blank expression which, whilst effective at hiding his emotions, also made him look even more like the Imperial he used to be. He didn't go on missions much as he had a bounty on his head bigger than the rest of rebel intelligence combined and on account of his injured leg he would have been more of liability anyway.

 

Another thing that Cassian noticed was that the man was almost always alone. He didn't appear to have any friends. In briefings he would stand slightly to the side and on nights when the Ghost wasn't around he would sleep at his desk instead of in the group barracks.

 

It was most noticeable in the canteen however as he would sit by himself in the corner where no one else would sit as it was in front of the bins with work always in his hands. The sight reminded him of an outcast from one of those high school holodramas that some of the younger recruits would still watch.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It was a few weeks after Cassian had started keeping an eye on Kallus. He was sitting in the canteen when he heard a thunderous voice shout across the room.

 

"You!"

 

All eyes turned in the direction of the voice. A man who Cassian guessed was in his early forties stood in the entrance to the canteen. By the way his gate swayed and the waving of the bottle in his hand it was clear that he was intoxicated.

 

Along with everyone else in the canteen Cassian watched as he staggered over to Kallus, a murderous storm brewing on his face. He came to a swaying stop barely a metre away from where Kallus was sat.

 

"You..." He spat, spit spraying from his mouth like a rabid rancor. "Your Empire killed my wife! You killed my daughter!"

 

He clumsily grabbed some food from a nearby table and threw it all over Kallus. Cassian was stunned when the man didn't even try to defend himself. He just let it cover him and didn't even bother to wipe the gruel that was dripping from his golden hair into his eyes. He took the man’s attacks and insults as though he agreed with every word he was saying. As though he didn't think he was worth defending. 

 

Suddenly the drunk man sunk to the floor, tears leaping from his eyes. Kallus instinctively leaned forward to help but then thought better of it which Cassian thought was a smart idea. The man’s friends came over to scoop him off the floor all whilst glaring daggers at Kallus. As soon as they'd carried their friend out of the room Kallus stood up and left without another word. Most people joined in with their glares as he walked away but Cassian suspected that he wasn't the only one giving him a look of pity.

 

He later learned that the death of the man's wife and child most likely had nothing to do with Kallus. It was clear he was just looking for a face to match his blame which Cassian was sympathetic towards but he didn't think it was fair to Kallus. He also learned the man had been reprimanded, not for assaulting another officer but for bringing alcohol onto the base.

 

He still kept an eye on Kallus after the incident, partly because of Draven's orders and his own paranoia but also because he was genuinely curious about the man.


	2. Friend

Something Cassian soon came to learn about Kallus was his fair treatment of droids. For a group of people who were fighting against oppression Cassian was baffled at times at how some members of the rebellion could treat their droids.

Since he had been part of the Separatists as a young boy Cassian knew full well how strong droids could be and that they deserved as much respect as any other beings. 

Although K2 could speak basic Cassian was fluent in binary. Partly because it was useful as a spy (he'd lost track of much information he'd obtained by listening to droids bitch about their masters) but also because he found talking to them genuinely interesting.

Kallus' amount of interaction with droids was probably partially fuelled by his treatment from other officers on base but it also seemed to be for the same reasons as Cassian. That he just enjoyed talking to them.

On the rare occasion that General Syndulla's homicidal astromech wasn't following her around or plotting to take over the galaxy, Cassian noted that he spent his time with the ex-imperial. Kallus would listen to the astromech warble about world domination or his latest pranks with a fond chuckle and would take seriously any suggestion he had about improving effectiveness on base. And one morning when Draven chased said astromech around the base with a spanner and neon pink hair Cassian spotted the flash of a smirk across the agent's face. 

And it wasn't just Chopper that Kallus got along with. In his off time when the man wasn't doing even more work Cassian found him helping AP-5 to organise all their inventory or practising his languages with a golden protocol droid. He even caught him talking to K2 once, discussing the best ways to hack into Imperial networks. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Cassian had stated that Kallus had no friends on the base he had been wrong. Aside from the droids he had one. 

Cassian had never even heard of a lasat until he'd met Zeb. Although his large, hulking, purple figure was hard to miss, he'd missed that he was friends with Kallus at first since Zeb didn't seem to have a shortage of friends himself. He was often hanging out with his crew (or his family as he called them), or with some of the other nonhumans like Daree and Pao. Although some of the humans did give him a wide birth due to his sometimes gruff personality, unfamiliar species and formidable size and shape. 

Zeb would often sit beside Kallus in the canteen or bring him over to sit with his friends. And if anyone was giving Kallus a hard time all he had to do was flex in their direction and they stopped pretty quickly. 

When there was a celebration after a particularly noteworthy victory he would always sling an arm around his shoulder to drag him out to join in. Every time Kallus would protest that he had work to do even though he didn't, which Cassian knew since he specifically altered their routine so the man would be free. Eventually he would always give in making the lasat smile. Even if he didn't get directly involved with the celebration he would stay to watch, mostly with a disapproving smile as everyone else got pissed. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day when Cassian was deciphering messages in the rebel intelligence headquarters he heard a low rumbling growl. He turned around in a panic to find Zeb stood majestically in the entrance, his large figure blocking out much of the sun. His body was bathed in mysterious shadow but the angry frown was clear on his face. Cassian heard some of the other agents back away or gasp in fear. But he only felt intrigue as he watched the lasat storm over to Kallus. 

"Eat." He growled shoving a ration bar towards the ex-imperial. 

Had Kallus not been eating? Cassian thought back on all the times he'd seen the man in the canteen to realise that while he'd seen him with data pads or even flimsi he couldn't remember ever seeing him with any food. He then suddenly noticed how his mutton chops covered any possible gauntness of his cheeks and how his long sleeved thick jacket would hide any noticeable muscle loss. At the back of his mind he was impressed with how the ex-imperial had managed to keep the illusion that he'd been eating for so long, but mostly he was just worried about the man's health. 

And judging by the lasat's demeanour he wasn't the only one. 

He and the other agents silently watched the tense exchange between the man and the lasat. The formers' mouth was set in a defiant pout whilst the latter’s' was emitting a low growl. Eventually Kallus relented, snatching the ration bar out of his claws and into his mouth. Cassian watched as the whole of Zeb’s body slumped forward in relief making Kallus' shoulders sag guiltily. Kallus hastily turned around to return to his work to try and hide it from the lasat but it was clear from the concerned look on his face that he hadn't. Zeb reached out a clawed hand as though to touch the man's shoulder but then let it hang limply by his side before storming out of the room, shaking his head. 

After that Cassian made sure to leave a ration bar or two on the Captain's desk. He noticed a few other agents and even Draven doing the same thing. He also started to casually mention to Zeb if Kallus was refusing to eat or sleep or be even more of a hermit than usual. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A short while after the incident Cassian found himself on fruit collecting duty. He had wandered a fair distance from the temples, enjoying the peacefully silence of the forest in contrast to the constant noise and rush of the base. He had just picked up a fallen fruit of the ground when he noticed a large figure in the distance. Calming his panicking heart he crept towards the figure. His paranoia was working overtime as his mind tried to figure out what it could be, answers ranging from imperial spies to unknown beasts. 

When he got closed however he realised that there wasn't one figure but two and that they belonged to Kallus and Zeb. He saw the lasat trace a claw from the top of the man's arm to the tips of his fingers where he then held his hand loosely in his own. 

"I'm sorry." It was barely above a whisper but Cassian heard Kallus' voice clearly in the silent forest. He then saw Zeb wrap his other hand around his shoulders to hold him against his chest.

"I know." 

Not wanting to intrude anymore on what was clearly private moment Cassian quietly headed back to base. However he couldn't ignore the niggling sensation at the back of his mind. Technically there was nothing beyond platonic displayed but the gentle intimacy between them made him think that there was something more between them. 

So he kept an eye out for any more signs after that, leading him to notice things he'd never seen before. Like how Kallus would lean into his touch whenever Zeb draped an arm over his shoulder or how Zeb could sneak glances at him out of the corner of his eye during meetings or how when the pair sparred they would look at each other like no one else was in the room. 

Still there was nothing that definitively showed that they were a couple. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cassian had been looking for Kallus to ask him about a mission but he couldn't find him anywhere. After searching for nearly an hour an old clone trooper told him that he'd seen him head back to the Ghost. Cassian had been on the ship for missions and meetings before so knew which room was Kallus' and headed straight for it. 

He was about to open the door when he heard strange noises from inside. He turned his head toward it to hear a rhythmic banging sound and the strangled scream of Zeb's name. 

Immediately deciding that is could wait Cassian fled from the ship as quickly and quietly as possible before any other emotionally scarring events could occur. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning sat next to Kallus at breakfast, happily noting that he was actually eating a bowl of portage. 

"So you and the lasat huh?" 

To the man's credit he only froze for a half a second. Most people wouldn't notice it but most people hadn't learnt to read expressions to survive.

"What makes you say that?" Kallus asked, neither confirming nor denying the accusations in typical espionage fashion. Again most people probably wouldn't notice but Cassian heard his Coruscanti accent strengthen slightly in a clipped tone. 

"Little things." He shrugged, trying to convince himself that he'd successfully erased last night from his mind.

"Hmm." Kallus said still not confirming or denying anything. 

The next day Draven came up to him to say that he'd been recommended as a fulcrum agent. He didn't need to be a spy to work out by who. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His first mission as Fulcrum could have gone better. It could have gone a lot better. 

Although it had ultimately been a success he felt guilty about the poor pilot he'd been responsible for who had ended up breaking his leg after nearly crashing into a volcano. 

"Don't worry." Kallus reassured him, "Everyone has botched a mission at some point in their career." 

"Thanks." Cassian murmured, grateful for his words but still wishing that he could have done better. "Did you ever meet her? The original Fulcrum?" 

He'd been wondering about that for a while and as he was now part of her legacy he felt he should know more about her. Plus it was a distraction from his failure. 

He was slightly disappointed when Kallus shook his head. 

"No but I did speak to her. I'd uncovered a rebel frequency but instead of turning it over to my superiors I decided to keep the number hidden so I could use it to signal the rebellion that inquisitors had discovered their location. I didn’t know it at the time but the receiver of the message was the original Fulcrum." 

"What was she like?" 

"She sounded strong and sure which was the opposite to how I was feeling at the time. I'd just betrayed everything that I had ever known and I wasn't sure what to do next." He said with a hard chuckle thinking back on the memory. "But she calmed me down, telling me that she knew that I was doing the right thing and that this had been a decision long in the making. Once I learnt she had been a Jedi her claims made a lot more sense. But at the time it didn't matter. I just needed someone to tell me that I was doing something right for once in my life." 

They both stared off into the distance, wishing that they could have met the woman who gave them not only their names but a new purpose in life. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Members of the alliance to restore the republic!" 

Cassian came running out of headquarters with the rest of rebel intelligence close behind him as soon as he heard the loud booming voice. Paranoid that the Empire had finally found them Cassian was slightly relived when he realised that the voice came from a projection of Saw Gerrera. Cassian had never met the man in person but he'd heard rumours about the monstrosities he had committed in the name of peace that even Draven found inexcusable. 

He heard a strangled choke beside him. Cassian turned around to find Kallus standing next to him looking up at the projection with icy terror. As he struggled for breathe his eyes widened to an almost unnatural amount looking beyond the projection something only he could see. Cassian had never seen this expression in Kallus before but he recognised it from countless soldiers he'd seen around the base. 

As soon as the projection cut off Kallus stumbled out of his trace and raced off before Cassian could get the chance to talk to him. He knew that Draven would want him to figure out how the hell that droid got onto their base but he prioritised checking up on Kallus first. He followed him to AP-5's inventory closet where he found him sat hunched over on a crate with his head in his hands. 

"Are you alright?" Cassian asked cautiously. 

Kallus looked up at him in panic before quickly averting his gaze in shame.

"I'm fine." He muttered. 

Given the fact that Cassian was actually able to surprise him, he was obviously not. Cassian carefully moved toads him until he was sitting on the crate beside him. Consoling people wasn't something he had much experience with so he wasn't sure what he could do to help. In the end he decided to sit there until Kallus was alright. Although Cassian wondered if that time would ever come. 

After a while Kallus spoke. 

"When I was... before I joined the rebellion, I was deployed on a mission to Onderon. My unit and I were on a routine patrol when we were attacked by Saw Gerrera and his partisans. I was knocked out in the first wave of bombing. Most of my unit weren't so lucky. Those who survived were picked off by one of his partisans, a lasat mercenary, like they were nothing but animals waiting to be slaughtered!" 

Kallus' breath hitched after his unexpected outburst. He kept his gaze fixed on the floor unable to look Cassian in the eye, ashamed of his fear and sadness over people he now fought against. 

"Draven and Mothma will never join with Gerrera." Cassian assured him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

Kallus let out a long sigh. "I know. I just…" 

Suddenly the closet door sprung open as Zeb appeared in the doorway, worry stamped onto his face.

"Kallus..." His name sounded like relief on the lasat's tongue. 

"Zeb..." Kallus croaked before the last shrewd of his facade of control slipped away as a sob escaped his lips. In an instant Zeb had Kallus enclosed in his arms. He buried his face into the lasat's neck and clung to his shoulders like he was a life line. In return Zeb held him closer than possible as though trying to shield him from everything in the universe. 

Knowing that Kallus was safe in his hands Cassian stood up to leave. 

"I'll tell Draven you're busy." He told them. 

"Thank you." Zeb said over Kallus' shoulder. 

Cassian knew it wasn't just for lying to Draven. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kallus and Zeb still weren’t exactly forthcoming with their relationship but after the loss of part of Zeb's family they didn’t seem to actively be keeping it a secret anymore. 

They weren’t an explosive display of PDA like a lot of the younger rebellion members were but sometimes when they were walking around the base Zeb would drape his arms across the other's shoulders or Kallus would rest his hand in the crook of his elbow. Once when Kallus was drilling some new recruits Zeb walked up behind him before wrapping his arms around his chest and press his chin atop his head. Kallus carried on instructing the drill as though this was totally normal and Cassian suspected it somehow scared the recruits into following his orders even more than when he was just shouting at them. 

Cassian has never given much thought to romance. It was never a luxury he’d never been able to afford. Besides he'd seen too much in his short life to think that the childish delusion of true love was anything over than krayt spit. 

Kallus chuckled lightly when he explained this to him. 

“I used to believe that too.” 

He followed Kallus’ line of sight as his gaze drifted to where Zeb was stood with Pao on the other side of the canteen. The lasat’s head was tilted back in laughter at something the drabatan had said. The warm sound vibrated through the canteen as his fur ruffled in the morning wind.

Cassian then looked back at Kallus. Seeing the usually stoic soldier with suck a love struck expression was startling at first but the soft smile and crinkled eyes made the man look younger, as though he wasn't carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Cassian wished he could see it more often. It suited him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I want so badly for these two to interact in canon along with Ahsoka!!! I don’t know if it’s canonically possible for them to all know each other at the same time but Ahsoka could have somehow given Kallus his Fulcrum status and met with Cassian since he’d been part of the rebellion for a while before the events on Malachor. Then Kallus could meet Cassian whilst they’re both on Yavin before Rogue One. Please Lucasfilm give me this!!! Xxxxxxxxx


	3. One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! Thank you for joining me for the last chapter! Btw a lot of the dailogue is taken straight from Rogue One. I hope you guys enjoy it!! Xxxxxxxxx

The short blast of the gun muzzled by the man's searing flesh kept echoing in his head.

 

His mind kept going round in circles of rationalising what he'd done for the good the rebellion before circling back to knowing he should have helped.

 

"I know what you're thinking."

 

Cassian jumped. He mentally scolded himself for being so distracted he'd allowed someone to creep up on him. If he'd been on a mission this could have cost him his life.

 

He turned around to see Kallus standing on the ledge beside him. They were at the very top of the main temple. Cassian had found a hidden staircase to it a while ago but since it didn't offer any strategical advantage he'd kept this knowledge to himself.

 

He turned his attention back towards Kallus who was leaning heavily on his left leg. The climb can't have been good for his injured knee.

 

"What are you doing here?" Cassian asked, his anger at himself seeking into his words making him feel even guiltier.

 

"I found out what happened on the mission so I came to find you. Draven told me you would be up here."

 

He scoffed. Of course Draven knew about this place. He kept his eyes trained on the jungle as he felt Kallus sit down beside him. They sat in silence for a while before the ex-imperial spoke.

 

"When I was undercover as Fulcrum I had to frame another man to keep my identity secret. He was an annoying insufferable idiot but he was innocent. I never found out what Thrawn did to him."

 

Feeling Kallus' eyes on him, Cassian turned to look at him. He wasn't prepared for the intensity of his burning gold eyes.

 

"Listen to me very carefully. We feel regret and guilt over our actions and try to be better because of them. The Empire does not care. After what happened on Onderon they told my grief was a weakness. That is the difference between us and them."

 

Cassian nodded, partially because he was startled by the power of his passion but also because he knew that Kallus was right.

 

They stayed up there a little while longer, just looking out into the peaceful jungle,

 

A few minutes later Draven commed Cassian to tell him about a new mission.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When Draven told him he was tasked with finding Saw Gerrera, Cassian understood why he was chosen for the mission over Kallus. Somehow Draven must had found out about his reaction to the man’s projection because of course he did. And even if he hadn't, Saw would never trust the words of an old imperial spy.

 

After their talk Cassian headed over to the main mission centre for the official briefing.

 

It was in this briefing that he first met her.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As she walked into the hanger he found himself mesmerised by the way her dark hair burnt red in the evening sun. However that was nothing compared to the fire blazing in her green eyes as she argued with Mothma and Draven.

 

The disappointment he felt when Draven told him to kill her father was unexpected but he tried not to think too much into it.

 

Still, he couldn't help the small impressed smile on his face after she'd manged to steal a blaster without him noticing. K2 actually listened to him for a change when he silently begged him not to mention this where she could still hear.

 

He was even more impressed when she single handily took down an entire squadron of stormtroopers with just her baton. She was a spitfire of strength and resilience.

 

She was beautiful.

 

The thought startled him. He hadn't thought about anyone like that that in a long time. He didn't have time to dwell on it for long however, as soon after the partisans shoved sacks over their heads and dragged them off to Saw Gerrera's base.

 

Cassian tried to stay calm as he looked out at the temple through his cell door. He knew from Kallus what Saw and his men were capable off so he knew he needed to get them out of there as quickly as possible.

 

As he scanned the defaced temple to plan their escape his gaze got caught on one of the partisans. It was a Lasat. He was taller than Zeb, nearly close to eight feel with a long beard that he scratched with primal claws. His yellow eyes were watching the prisoner in the cell next to them like an animal watching his prey.

 

When one half of the old couple in the cell with him said that the prisoner was the defected pilot Cassian understood why. He pushed his thoughts about the lasat to the back of his mind as he worried over Jyn and how to get the pilot and themselves out of these cells.

 

Suddenly the entire world shook around them like a tempest.

 

"Jyn..." Cassian breathed in panic.

 

Unnoticed in the chaos, he reached through the bars to the control panel and manged to get the cell door open. He then commed K2, telling him to bring the shuttle round to the temple before racing through the temple in a desperate attempt to find Jyn. He tried to himself that it was just because she was vital to the success of the course but it was a lost cause.

 

"Jyn!" Cassian cried as he ran between the crumbling walls.

 

"Jyn! Jy-"

 

He came to a sudden halt. There on her knees was Jyn.

 

And behind her stood Saw Gerrera.

 

Instinctively he reached for his gun. Saw stared at him with an odd look, not even fazed by the gun. He then nodded his head in Cassian's direction with something akin to approval. Not sure what to make of Saw's reaction he cautiously he approached Jyn. He placed his hand of shoulder to try to encourage her to stand up but she barely responded to his touch. She stared at the ground, as though searching for something she knew couldn't be found.

 

"We've got to go." He told her, trying to be gentle dispute the severity of their situation. When that didn't work he told her that he knew where her father was. Immediately she snapped out of daze, looking up at him with grateful green eyes that for a moment made him forget about the destruction surrounding them. 

 

He had just gotten her to her feet when she stopped suddenly to turn around.

 

"Come with us." She pleaded with Saw. But the man just shook his head.

 

"I will run no longer." He replied, for the first time sounding sane since their arrival.

 

"Come on" Cassian insisted. If Saw wanted to stay here to wait for his imminent death that wasn't his problem. He grabbed hold of Jyn hand to drag her towards the exit. After one last reluctant look at Saw she followed him. As they ran they heard him cry out what was most likely his final words.

 

"Save the rebellion! Save the dream!"

 

Cassian wasn't going to shed any tears over the bastard's death but the heartbroken look on Jyn face as she processed losing the man she saw as a father almost made him reconsider. As they raced through the collapsing temple Cassian kept one hand on Jyn and the other on his gun. But he needn't have worried. None of the partisans gave them any trouble. They were too busy scrambling for desperate escape to pay them much attention.

 

As the walls crumbled around them Cassian noticed a large purple body crushed beneath a fallen stone. He prayed to the Ashla that it was the lasat.

 

When they made it outside he reluctantly let go of Jyn’s hand, immediately missing her warmth and strength, so he could to hit the dazed pilot's shoulder. He shoved him towards where K2 was waiting with the shuttle.

 

"Get us out of here!" He cried once they were all on board. Moments later they were racing through the blurred stars of hyperspace finally giving them the chance for what they'd just witnessed to sink in.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Cassian wanted to do nothing more than collapse where he was stood but he knew that the rebellion needed to know what had happened. Heavily, he opened up a transition to Yavin. The gap between their reply was even longer than usual. Apparently even Draven found it nearly impossible to believe. Dispute knowing it was impossible, he prayed that his mission had changed. He didn't know why he was disappointed when Draven told him to proceed as planned.

 

"Baze tell me. Was it all of it? The whole city?" The old monk asked his husband, for the first time sounding unsure since Cassian had met the man.

 

"All of it." Baze replied, his speech barely more than a sigh.

 

"We can beat the people who did!" Jyn cried suddenly. Cassian tried not to look at her but found it impossible not to listen to the conviction in her voice.

 

"My father's message. I've seen it! They call it the death star. And they have no idea there's a way to defeat it."

 

Once again he found himself mesmerised by her green eyes that contained a bright flame of hope that was such a contrast to fiery rage that burned in them before. Somehow it made her even more beautiful.

 

"Where is it?" Cassian cried getting high on her hope. "Where is the message?"

 

That high came down fast as her face crumbled.

 

"It was a hologram. Everything happened so fast and..." She looked up at him in disappointment. "You don't believe me."

 

It physically pained Cassian to look into Jyn's eyes knowing what he was planning to do.

 

"I'm not the one you have to convince."

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They made it to Eadu, scraped, scarred and bruised but mostly intact. He managed to convince the others to stay on the ship while he and Bodhi went up to the cliff. Although he knew he would need to be quick, since he doubted that they would obey his orders for long.

 

Cassian pointed the sniper at within practised precision. His fingers didn't shake as he rested them on the trigger.

 

He watched with trained eyes as Krenic and Galen talked on the platform when suddenly Krenic's deathtroopers pointed their blasters at the group of men behind Jyn's father. Even from this distance Cassian could sense their panic. He tried to ignore them as he aimed the sniper but before he got the chance to pull the trigger Galen had jumped in front of the men, silencing the platform.

 

Subconsciously relived that he couldn’t take the shot he waited for whatever was happening on the platform to settle down.

 

Suddenly, Galen stepped forward, into the clear range of his blaster as though he was offering himself up for slaughter. All Cassian had to do was pull the trigger. But he couldn't. He couldn’t bring himself to shoot the man who was willing to sacrifice himself for lives of his men. Not that it mattered. A few moments later they were gunned down without a second thought.

 

When Cassian’s com went off, he was glad for the distraction.

 

“We have a problem.” K2-SO told him from the other end of the com link. “There’s an Alliance squadron approaching.”

 

"No no no no no!" Cassian shouted in a panic. "Tell them to hold off! Jyn's on that platform!"

 

But either Draven hadn't gotten his message in time or had ignored him as not long after a squadron of x-wings bombarded the platform.

 

"Jyn...no…" Cassian breathed. His heart stopped as he desperately tied to find her amongst the chaos.

 

"FATHER!" The cry was so loud even Cassian could hear it. His heart started beating again as his eyes found Jyn. She had the blaster she had stolen from the base aimed at Krenic's head. But just as she was about to pull the trigger another x-wing blasted the station.

 

Before he could fully comprehend what he was doing Cassian found himself racing towards the platform.

 

He made it there just in time to save Jyn from two approaching stormtroopers as she lay oblivious to the rest of the world over the dead body of her father.

 

Despite her protests he was eventfully able to drag her away from the body. He tried to ignore her desperate screams as she lost a father for the second time that day.

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When they made it back she marched up to him with purpose.

 

“You lied to me.”

 

He kept his eyes trained on his blaster, unable to look her in the eyes after what he'd nearly done. 

 

“You’re in shock.”

“You went up there to kill my father.”

 

“You don't know what you’re talking about.” But the excuse sounded weak even to him.

 

“Deny it!” She exclaimed almost hysterically.

 

“You’re in shock.” He repeated, trying to appear as though he was in control. “And looking for someplace to put it. I've seen it before.”

 

“I bet you have.” Her words were like stones that cut right threw him.

 

“They know!” She continued, pointing at the rag-tag group of turncoats and forgotten heroes. Cassian wondered how it was possible that Zeb’s similar group of outcasts had ever become a family. “You lied about why we came here and you lied about why you came up alone.”

 

“I had orders. Orders that I disliked.” Cassian defended himself. He sighed. As much as he had come to care for Jyn she could never understand what he’d done for the rebellion.

 

“Orders? When you know they're wrong? You might as well be a stormtrooper.” Acting as though she’d won their argument she started to walk away. But Cassian couldn’t let her do that. He needed her to understand.

 

“We don’t all have the luxury of decided when and where we want to care about something. Suddenly the rebellion is real for you when it’s convenient. I've been in this fight since I was six years old. You're not the only one who lost everything. Some of us just decided to do something about it.”

 

His thoughts drifted to all those back at base who had continued fighting despite everything. Like how General Syndulla had kept fighting despite the loss of her lover and the boy she saw as her son. And Zeb who had lost almost his entire species but had managed to move on.

 

Ignoring her response he walked towards the cockpit to tell Draven that they were coming in a stolen imperial ship so that he wouldn’t shoot them down.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As soon as their shuttle touched the ground, Draven sent him straight to the canteen to eat despite his protests that he needed to look after Jyn. If Cassian didn't know better he would have said the man actually sounded concerned about his wellbeing.

 

He'd just begun to shove a tasteless gruel into his mouth when Kallus sat beside him.

 

"So you and the Erso girl huh?"

 

"I tried to kill father." He said in lieu of a reply.

 

Kallus was silent for a long time.

 

"If it’s possible for me to be forgiven then you can to." He said, slowly yet honestly "People like us know that every second we live is borrowed time. You can't waste it dwelling in the past. If you want to live you have to move on."

 

Cassian let his words sink in. As usual every word was completely true.

 

"Come on.” Kallus said, standing up. “The briefing should still be going on, we can see how your girlfriend is doing."

 

"She's not my girlfriend." He muttered as he followed him.

 

 

 

Cassian didn’t know if he was surprised when the so called leaders of the Alliance didn’t believe in the existence of the death star. Or more likely couldn’t allow themselves to believe its existence because it would mean that their little rebellion was over. Cassian didn’t know why they had let politicians lead the rebellion. Of course they were disgusted by the Empire’s actions and wanted to improve the lives of people across the galaxy, but they were powerful and wealthy people. They could never truly understand the hardships that most members of the rebellion had faced in constant harassment from the Empire.

 

Jyn’s speech made Cassian’s heart soar and nearly convinced them to outgrow their denials.

“I can see why you like her.” Kallus whispered in his ear once she was finished. Cassian elbowed him as he tried to calm the blush spreading across his face as well as pay attention to the leader’s response. Surly that had been enough to make them act.

 

But it hadn’t. Their fear outweighed their desire to fight.

 

As the meeting disbanded and everyone drifted away in varying degrees of denial and terror an idea formed in Cassian’s mind as he noticed the few angry, determined faces that had been successfully swayed by Jyn’s speech just as he had.

 

He ran from the room with purpose ignoring Kallus’ cries as he asked where the hell he was going.

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

There were a higher number of volunteers than he thought willing to come with him to Scarif. Cassian forced himself to think that this was a good thing.

 

As he headed towards the shuttle he walked past the Ghost. General Syndulla was stood outside, shouting furiously with one hand protectively clutching her swollen baby. She was most likely angry with the council over their decision. The old clone trooper Rex was trying to call her down, claiming that at nine months too much excitement could cause her to go into labour at any moment. Not that Hera was listening to him. Next to them Kallus and Zeb sat side by side on a pile of old crates, their hands intertwined. Kallus' head was rested against the lasat's shoulder who placed a gentle kiss on top of his golden locks as though trying to force some normalcy into the unthinkable situation.

 

Cassian knew that if he asked Kallus wouldn't hesitate to come with him. But he couldn't. After everything the man had been through he deserved some happiness.

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As the wall of fire and light headed towards him, a million thoughts raced through his head. At the forefront of his mind were the wish that he and Jyn could have had more time and the guilt over the loss of his best friend and all the other rogue one members who he'd lead to their deaths. But one of these thoughts was about a man with a broken knee who taught him that his emotions were his strength and that despite their past sins, everyone deserved a second chance.

 

Even a young separatist boy who had living on the dangerous grey line of bad and good all his life and who thought he’d never find a true friend or love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has read/commented/left kudos on this fic!!! You are all so amazing!! And I hope we get to see the Fulcrum interacting in canon at some point! Thanks again!! Xxxxxxxxx


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